Secret
by freyja0taku
Summary: Everybody has at least one thing that they would never ever share.


**Summary:** Everybody has at least one thing that they would never _ever_ share.

Once part of a compilation but I think it's better to be separated... Let's just say it's for my sanity. lol

* * *

 _secret_

=•=•=•=•=•=

There's a secret that everyone has. One that they would never _ever_ share.

=•=•=•=•=•=

Roxas.

That's his name in this lifetime. He didn't exactly hate it but he didn't liked it either. He'd prefer another name than this.

All it gives to him was memories. Painful memories of the past buried in time.

It reminds him of his last name. One in his past. And it only brings pain in his heart.

He'd done so much for others, and thanks to that, he was dragged away from his home.

He also trusted too much that even his best friend betrayed him.

He didn't even see the truth past his lover's smiles, past the words that she said.

 _"I'll be alright."_

Perhaps it was also his fault. He pushed her away whenever she asked if she could come.

 _"You'll only be in my way."_

How could that be true. It was a lie he repeated to convince himself that he didn't need her there. That she'd only be in danger if she came. When all he wanted was to be by her side. To be with her as he traveled all over the world.

And he regrets not letting her come. Hated how he couldn't refuse the people that led him to be away. For weeks, for months, that turned years.

The joy that would've normally burst whenever he finally reached home was crushed by the image he saw the moment he opened the door...

The smiles that would've greet him was gone. The hugs that would've warmed him was now cold. The eyes that would've looked at him was closed. Lifeless.

Now he learned his lesson.

=•=•=•=•=•=

"Rox! Can you help me-"

His reply was fast.

"No."

And the whine that followed was expected.

"C'mon Roxas! You didn't even let me finish."

"The answer's still no."

"Give it up, Hayner. Roxas wouldn't let you copy his notes."

"I was gonna ask him to teach me, not copy."

"Teach? Not copy? Please, you can lie better than that."

"Hey! I'm not lying. This thing's easy anyway."

"Oh? If it's easy then you can do it yourself."

"Nooooo!"

It was times like this that he let himself forget. And for a little while, he can smile.

=•=•=•=•=•=

He lost count how many times he asked why he remembers it.

Why, when all it bring was pain and never-ending regret.

Maybe it was a chance to change.

And in better days, it might be.

But normally, he believes that it's just a silly mistake.

=•=•=•=•=•=

He was not interested in searching for her, but somehow, he still found her.

For a moment he saw red, but it quickly switched back to gold.

He tried not to let it get to him as he walked to the opposite direction where she was.

=•=•=•=•=•=

He didn't mean for it to happen but his eyes just followed. And followed it did.

He watched her fumble with her hands as she stood in front. Watched how she cowered at the attention given to her. Watched as she shyly smiled at the praises she rightfully deserved.

And the delight on her face also brought a smile on his.

=•=•=•=•=•=

One time, their eyes locked and she asked,

"Have we met before?"

It was a struggle not to say yes. Because maybe he'd be able to make her really happy this time. But...

"No."

He couldn't be optimistic. He'd only give her pain. He'd rather not be the one at fault this time around.

=•=•=•=•=•=

"You're Roxas right? Nice to meet you."

He watched the hand offered to him. The same lean ones just like he had in the past. The very same ones that ruined his lover inside and out.

"What's your name again?"

"Riku."

Oh, of course. Even his name would be the same.

=•=•=•=•=•=

All he was doing was playing, enjoying. Because it was the only thing he knew that took his mind off of things in solitude. The air blew his hair all over the place, the longer strands slapping his cheeks in the process. It was nice.

Then suddenly she was there.

And he stumbled, his body meeting the ground painfully, his skateboard rolling to her feet. He cursed his inattentiveness. How could he not hear her careful steps?

She giggled as she helped him up. And his skin crawled—at the voice, at the touch.

"You know, you really remind me of someone."

Her tone was shy. Different from what he was used to. But he knows it's her no matter how hard he tries. No matter how hard he counts on the differences the two of them had because the warmth in his chest was enough proof.

"I... really havent met you before."

She remained silent but went closer to look at him better in the eyes. It was unnerving.

"Can we be friends then?"

He took a step back when he finally gained control of his body. _No._ He shouldn't let her in.

"Why? Is it because I remind you of someone?"

Her eyes widened. And he braced himself for an impact. She would get mad and slap him. But she didn't.

She pouted. It wasn't what he expected but damn if it wasn't endearing.

"Do I have to have a reason?"

He merely blinked as she took a moment to gather her thoughts, or perhaps courage.

"I... I just feel like getting to know you more. Can I?"

He still didn't answer, couldn't answer.

Then she sighed and walked away. He let her.

=•=•=•=•=•=

He was a coward. He knows. He's afraid to come close because it might happen all over again.

But who would expect for all the people in the world that it'd be him to give him a push.

"I'm sorry."

Was the first thing he said to him this time. His head snapped to look at him. Really look at him.

"...What?"

Because he shouldn't know. Does he know?

"You should find her."

He didn't say anything this time. What should he say? That you're right? Thanks for the tip?

"Things are different now, Roxas. Don't live in the past."

Yes, he knew it was different but... can he really forget?

"Just find her. She's waiting for you."

He let his words sink in. And perhaps, this time, they could also mend their broken friendship.

=•=•=•=•=•=

He searched the whole place. And by the time it was almost night, something caught his attention.

"This..."

Was all he could utter as he wobbled to the painting. Perhaps he was too absorbed that he didn't notice the time passed just by looking at it because before he knew it, she was there. He was glad this time.

"I thought you already saw it."

His confusion must be shown clearly on his face because a laugh was once again heard.

"Silly, that was the one I presented in class. Weren't you paying attention?"

"I was."

But only at your smile.

"It's beautiful."

She reached for his hand, and he let her.

"I did it so I won't forget."

He turned to her, his eyes misting with unshed tears.

"Even if it hurts?"

Her hands just squeezed his. And he squeezed back when she faced him with a smile he longed to be directed to him again.

"We'll just have to pile it with more happy memories."

The painting showed a picture of a couple, red and brown, holding hands.

=•=•=•=•=•=

They all remember their past lives.

=•=•=•=•=•=

* * *

 **notes:** Was it too confusing? I hope it's not bad. I'm sorry Riku! xD

Thoughts? Criticisms?

* * *

He smiles, helping people is now his thing. He could understand why _he_ did it. Giving is in a way also receiving joy.

How funny.

All he ever did to repay _his_ kindness was pain. And it resulted to his death. Death given by the one he betrayed. Death that he also gave to the one he could never get.

This time. He could pretend that it didn't happened. He could pretend that the good things he's doing now can mend the hollowness inside.

He might've let the darkness get the best of him in the past. But he wouldn't let it now.

\- Riku

* * *

07/02/17 I did it in a few hours. I can't believe it!


End file.
